Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
