I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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