I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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