I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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