I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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