Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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