I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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