I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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