Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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