So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
