Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You ruined the universe
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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