She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
