Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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