i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
