Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
