I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
