my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
