I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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