The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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