Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
