Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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