I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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