I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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