Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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