He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
