your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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