The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
