Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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