Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
