so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
