I love black thongs
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
