Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize