non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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