I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
