if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
