1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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