I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
