When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
