Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
