HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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