Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
