Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
