I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize