Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Randomize
