dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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