I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm always down for nudity.
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