i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
