I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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