I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
