I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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