A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
