I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
