obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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