Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
