Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Im part way to drunk.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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