i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
