When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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