his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
