I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
