So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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