areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
