R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
