...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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