ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
