So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
