A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
