I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
