The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
