Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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