Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
